I Want To Hold Your Hand
by FallingOutOfTheSky
Summary: <html><head></head>Rachel gets into an accident after a party, forever altering her life. Quinn believes it's her fault and will stay with Rachel through it. Faberry. Rated T for now...</html>
1. Chapter 1

**I Want To Hold Your Hand**

**A/N: Okay. Well this came from actually this really old prompt from some dead meme. But it was never filled. I need to find the link and**

**I'll update this later with it. **

**Also, I am currently writing a sequel for the whole Fabang!Friendship, I just actually have a lot of WIPs and drabbles right now. But that'll be updated sometime this month. I have a bunch of this one written already, so it should be updated somewhat weekly. (I still need to type it all up) **

**Disclaimer: Don't own characters or show. Or idea. **

_It doesn't take a lot of time for your life to change._

_Each event, each decision affects what happens next._

**Winning at Regionals**

"We won? We won!" Whoever had their moment on confusion went unnoticed as the glee club all began jumping, shouting, and hugging. Mr. Schu raised the trophy in the air as they all beamed at it and each other.

"Party at my place! Even you can come Berry." Puck shouted out to everybody and playfully elbowed Rachel. Rachel rolled her eyes at him, but nodded back.

**A Party**

"Come on, loosen up." Puck came up next to Rachel with a winecooler with his hand. (Rachel wondered why this was _always_ his drink of choice, even though there are much stronger liquors available and Puck seems like he would be drinking a beer rather than a winecooler – but it was unvoiced and unquestioned. Everybody else failed to notice this as well, or like her, just didn't want to get into a conversation involving that with Puckerman)

Rachel made a face at him, crossing her arms. "We all promised Mr. Schue that we wouldn't drink."

"It's just a winecooler." He took a swig of the bottle before trying to hand it to her.

"And Brittany is doing shots again." Rachel made a face at remembering the previous Tik Tok performance during Alcohol Awareness Week.

Puck shrugged at her. "Your loss." And then went off to do whatever it was that Puck did at parties.

Rachel was indignant on staying sober. Whereas, Finn Hudson had not been made the designated driver for this party and had taken full advantage of this freedom.

Finn had spotted her and made his way over to her. "Hey Rach."

"Hello Finn."

"That was *hic* an ah-maaazing performance for Regionals. Do you remember last year? And your outfit was _so_ hot."

"Uh….well thank you Finn."

"No problem. You really are SUPER talented." He leaned in closer to her.

"Finn?"

"You should really have a drink." He hands her a bottle, practically forcing her to wrap her hand around it. He raised his eyebrow at her.

"Well?"

She sighed and reluctantly took one sip of the bottle.

**One Sip**

Whatever Finn gave her was most definitely NOT a winecooler.

The first sip was intoxicating enough and once she started, she just couldn't stop. She remember downing the whole bottle, before getting up to go dance with Finn. She dragged him onto the dance floor with her. He awkwardly danced, attempting to grind on her. She was too drunk to even care.

The rest of the night went into a blur.

Brittany was stripping. Artie had thrown money everywhere and was currently attempting to roll backwards through the basement. Tina was running around, yelling profanities – at least that was what was supposed, it wasn't in English. Mercedes was swaying to the song that Kurt and Blaine were belting out on top of a table, her eyes closed, smiling at whatever was going on behind her eyelids. Mike had been chasing Tina around, but he must've gotten tired because now he was sitting in a corner, cuddling with a pillow (Rachel would've noticed that this was the same pillow from her house–_Mike did get very close to it at her party –_ if she wasn't so intoxicated.) Puck was hitting on Lauren who was shouting at everyone, mostly Puck. Sam looked confused and kept running into things and making random references whenever he managed to trip and fall over – _"For Pandora!". _Santana was weeping on the couch, complaining to anyone who entered within a 5 foot radius – needless to say, most everyone avoids Santana when she's drunk.

Quinn was the only one who was sober, as she was the designated driver for this party. She was sitting on a stool and rolling her eyes at everyone's behavior.

Rachel felt her eyes boring into her at many times, but when she would turn to look, Quinn was even looking in her direction.

She remembers lips.

Finn's lips.

Against her.

On her body.

Finn had pulled her away to a secluded place and was now fumbling with his zipper.

He kept on muttering something that Rachel couldn't make out. (He couldn't be saying mailman over and over again – Finn wasn't the most normal of people, but still.)

Whatever part of Rachel that had refused to have sex until 25 was repressed by the horrible amount of alcohol currently running through her bloodstream.

She knew this was wrong. _So wrong._ And that she shouldn't have her first time like this. But Rachel wasn't exactly in control at the moment, and these thoughts were at the back of her head.

The Rachel that was out now was the one that Finn called the "needy girl drunk."

"_Hanging all over me, being overly lovey. It's not cool."_

Funny. He didn't seem to mind it now as he gripped Rachel's hips. Hard.

She closed her eyes for a second.

There was yelling.

Finn's hands that had been gripping her tightly had been removed.

She could hear Finn shouting now.

Finn's hands had been replaced by something gentler, a voice that matched the tough whispered softly in her ear.

She missed Finn.

She pushed the stranger away, her haze taking over her eyesight now.

She remembers yelling at them.

Yelling…something.

And then she stormed out. The last thing she heard as she left Finn and the stranger behind was Finn's laughter being abruptly stopped.

She was in her car.

And the car was moving. Or she was driving it. She didn't exactly know at the moment.

She didn't know which direction everything was and her car seemed to be going the right way. It felt right to her.

She just had to get away from that person.

She tried to remember the face. The blur.

Whatever memory she can connect that voice to.

She's sure that she can remember. She just needs to focus.

The last thing Rachel remembers are sounds. A splash, a crack, _that damn voice,_ and sirens.

She opens her eyes and sees the face to match the voice and this time she remembers who it is.

She can't call out to them as she's being pulled away and everything turns dark.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**A/N: Switching to Quinn's P.O.V.**

**Also, thank you for all the alerts and reviews. They seriously make my day. **

**Disclaimer: I wonder if I'll ever forget to put this. No ownage of gay- GLEE. I mean GLEE. No ownage of GLEE.**

_What the hell was Finn Hudson doing?_

She regretted her decision in agreeing to be the designated driver. Practically everyone in Puck's basement was drunk now. She glared at one certain drunk now. His tall, awkward figure was leaning towards a petite brunette, putting a bottle into her hands. Soon the tiny body was over-intoxicated and grinding against Frankenteen. She noted how her body would fit much better than Finn's.

_No! What the hell? God dammit. I haven't even been drinking. I need to stop talking to Puck._

She notices that she's staring at the coupe now. Glaring. Actually more focused on one half.

She turns away, laughing in her head that the person she was just telling herself to stop talking to, comes and takes a seat next to her.

"What do you want Puck?" She stops herself from rolling her eyes and already has an idea of what he's going to say.

"Hey Baby Mama. What're you doing?" He slurs out. He nods his head at Rachel. "Checking out my little Jew, are we?"

She doesn't know whether to hit him or herself. She decides to just glare at him. He only gives a hiccup and chuckle back. She really wanted to punch him. He was the only one who knew her secret.

Last summer, Puck kept on coming back to her, convinced that they were in love. After giving Beth away, she told him that she didn't want a relationship. Of course he continued his efforts to try and woo her though. "Puckzilla gets what he wants." She remembered him saying this to her multiple times. He would come with gifts, try to sing songs to her, even completely opened up about his feelings as _Noah._ She got tired of it.

"_I'm gay."_

"_What?" He looked at her wide-eyes, but still held a slight smirk._

_He had just confessed his feelings for her for the umpteenth time. _

"_Did I stutter Noah?" She only called him that when she meant serious business._

_The only other times that she had called him that was when they were talking about Beth. And then there was that one time when his mom refused to give her bacon…_

_He still stood there in shock, his smirk wiped off his face as his jaw went slack._

_She lessened her glare and put a hand on his shoulder._

_He shrugged it off as he got and walked away from her._

_He didn't speak to her for the rest of the summer._

But now he would bug her about it whenever he got the chance. He had declared himself to be her 'lesbro'. He had gotten over her now that he liked Lauren and Quinn finds him somewhat tolerable.

"Seriously, I saw you looking over there and I know you're not checking out my boy."

"So what if I was?" She snapped back at him. She diverted from looking at him, concentrating on the dance that Mike and Tina were putting on.

"Come on. It's just me. I mean, if you have a thing for Berry-"

"I do **not **have a thing for Berry."

Puck frowned a little. "Okay. Jeez. You don't have to get defensive."

"I'm not defensive."

He laughs at her, finally pushing her to whack him on the head.

"You're only proving my point. Look, Rachel isn't all that bad. I know for a fact that she can be smoking in the sack."

"She's not even-" She pauses and shakes her head. "She likes Finn."

He only shrugged at her.

"If anything, I was only looking at them to make fun of Finn tomorrow when he's sober."

She's waiting for Puck to respond, waiting for an innuendo or another random comment. She turns back to him and sees that he's not even looking at her. He's looking over her shoulder, frowning. She raises an eyebrow and turns to follow Puck's line of sight. She finds one Finn Hudson leading one Rachel Berry off to a room, his hands in places that make her want to throw up.

Before she can stop herself, she's off her stool and following after them, leaving a confused Puck behind. She stops once she comes to a closed door. She could hear them inside. Well, just Finn's hoarse breathing and whispers, she can't hear Rachel at all. She puts her hand on the doorknob, but doesn't make any other movement. This isn't any of her business. Heck, she shouldn't even care. Since when did Quinn Fabray care about other people? She's not even involved. She should just turn away and let whatever happens behind that door run its course.

But she can't. She can't let them her do this. Not while they're drunk. She can't let him do this to her. She can't let something like this happen again.

She's still frozen at the door, her thoughts conflicting in her mind. She doesn't get to make a decision.

Puck's hand is over hers and pushing the door open. He barges in, pulling Finn off of Rachel. Quinn follows after him, putting her hands on Rachel and trying to lead her away from them. Puck and Finn are yelling at each other. Puck's got Finn in a hold, preventing him from throwing any punches or going after Rachel. Quinn is trying to soothe Rachel, who is just standing there, silent.

Then Rachel pushes Quinn away from her. "Get away! Where's Finn?"

Quinn tries pulling her out of the room again. "Come on Rachel, just…let's go."

Rachel meets Quinn's eyes. The look she gives her strikes fear in Quinn. Rachel has never looked like this.

"You. You! How- how dare you? You cannot tell me what to do. Out of all the people, you? I don't owe you anything. Not. One. Fuck Fabray." Quinn stays silent and Rachel's voice grows louder. "This isn't any of your business. Nothing I do is any of your business, but you're always trying to just mess up everything, aren't you? You take everything I have! I'm sick and tired of you and your attitude. You don't care about anything! So why now? Just _fuck off!"_

Rachel stands there, regaining her breath. Quinn just stands there in shock, trying to not let any hurt register.

Rachel pushes Quinn out of her way and storms out, leaving Puck's house.

Finn starts laughing, causing Puck to punch him hard, and knocking him out. He puts Finn down and goes over to Quinn.

"Go."

That one word helped Quinn to finally move from her catatonic state. She ran out of the house, immediately going to her car. She pushed down her emotions for the moment, only focused on finding Rachel. Her car had been missing once Quinn went out the front door. She started heading toward the general direction of Rachel's house. She hoped that she was going the right way. She couldn't see Rachel's car or any car at all. She had to be going the wrong way. She turned around once she reached the lake near Puck's house.

"Shit!" She could see the rear of Rachel's car protruding from the water. She slammed down on the brakes, practically jumping out of the car. "Rachel!" Quinn screamed her name over and over, but she didn't get a response.

She quickly called Puck, telling him to notify the cops and hung up before he could ask for an explanation.

She went into the murky water, reaching the front of the car. She had only hit shallow water, her body wasn't submerged.

Quinn forced the door open, letting water flood into the car. Rachel's body was sprawled across the wheel, driver's seat, and center console. He figure was all dispositional and she wasn't moving. Quinn hesitated before grabbing her and carrying her out.

"Oh god. Rachel. No. Nonononono." A string of words came out after that, mixed with sobbing.

The police came and flashed lights on the two of them. Quinn didn't notice anyone else but Rachel.

The petite girl was so fragile in her arms. Quinn was afraid that if she moved, she would break her. She prayed that Rachel would make some sort of movement or open her eyes. Hell, she would take hearing her high-pitched ranting right now. But Rachel was like a stone, inanimate and cold.

Quinn's soft prayers were no longer being said, she could only cry now.

Paramedics had finally arrived and were pulling out a stretcher. A policeman was approaching the two girls. "Ms. Fabray, we're going to have to take her."

He put his hands on Rachel, gently trying to pull her away from Quinn.

A low growl erupted from Quinn's throat before she could stop it. She gave him the worst glare that Quinn Fabray had ever made and shook her head violently. She instinctively held onto Rachel tighter, pulling the brunette closer into her.

The paramedics brought the stretcher next to them and with the help of the policeman, pulled Rachel onto it. Quinn lunged after them, either to hit one of them or just to get Rachel back.

She felt somebody put their arms around her to hold her back. A familiar voice tried to tell her to calm down. She slightly turned her head to see that Mr. Schuester was keeping her from Rachel.

She gave him a glare, though much lighter than what she gave the policeman. She continued to try and escape his grasp, but gradually got tired.

She kept her eyes on Rachel who was being pulled away to an ambulance.

They had placed her so her head was turned to Quinn.

Quinn saw Rachel's eyes open once and look straight at her, her look gave away the pain and fear that she was feeling.

In a second, she was in the ambulance.

Quinn almost thought that she had imagined that had just happened.

She finally stopped her struggling and turned into Mr. Schue and cried into his shirt.

The older man held her and rubbed her back. She thought that she heard him crying too, but never looked up to check.

He led Quinn back to his car.

She curled up in the passenger seat, bringing her legs up and rested her head on her knees to cry.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Again, I really want to thank you guys for all the response and alerts that I'm getting. You know what really helps me with writing though? ****Reviews.**

**Anyways…no, I really want to know what you guys think and whether or not I need to improve on something.**

**Disclaimer: Not mine. I don't wear yellow hats. Or own any for that matter…**

They drove toward the hospital in silence. At least silence from Mr. Schue, Quinn couldn't stop herself from crying. Mr. Schue considered turning on the radio, but decided against it. The chances of some song that held sentiment to play swayed his decision. Quinn was glad that Mr. Schue seemed to have the same mindset as her; she didn't think she could take listening to any song for a while, not without thinking about Rachel. And he didn't try to speak to her, if it was anybody else they would attempt some sort of conversation. Mr. Schue had been her teacher long enough to understand Quinn.

Quinn felt her chest clenching. Her heart was aching for Rachel. She had never seen anyone so helpless. She couldn't shake the image of that lifeless body from her head. She could remember how the petite girl had felt in her arms.

She was so cold.

She could feel herself shaking and was clutching onto her legs to hide herself away. She wanted to make herself as small as possible. If she curled herself into her chair, maybe she could just blend in. Maybe she could disappear. Just for a little bit.

Mr. Schue reached over and unclenched one of her hands, holding onto it tightly. The grip he held on her told her not to pull away. Because if she pulled away, he would break down as well.

His warmth was comforting and her sobs slowly became quieter. Her tears were still coming though and her breathing came out in short gasps.

The car stopped and Mr. Schue gave her hand a tight squeeze before letting go and exiting the car.

She quickly followed after him and attached herself to his side, holding onto him for support.

They entered the hospital together. Two sets of eyes immediately locked onto Quinn, with glares.

A couple of men walked up to them and began bombarding her with questions.

Mr. Schue spoke to them for her, in an unusually cool voice that he always managed to have.

She hated it.

She hated the fact that he could be strong when she couldn't.

She let go of him and started to wander around. She found a place to sit that was secluded from everyone else. She sat uncomfortably, spending her time twiddling her fingers and shifting in her seat.

The Berrys were still speaking to Mr. Schue and kept on glancing at her. The taller, black man looked like he was about to faint. While the shorter, white man just looked plain angry.

She didn't recognize anyone else in the room. She wondered what the rest of the glee club was doing. She had seen Puck at the lake, trying to get past a few policemen who were holding him back. But she didn't see any of the other members. She wondered if Puck went back to the party or he was on his way here now or already here. Did the rest of them even know what happened?

She kept on seeing Rachel in her mind. The scene replayed in her head. Over and over. She couldn't remember the prayers that she tried to say to God. The words that were repeated to the air had faded into it.

_Was Rachel even alive?_

She felt a pang in her chest.

It took everything to not break down again. She held down the lump that grew in her throat, her stomach unsettling. She held one hand over her mouth, the other one clenching at the fabric over her chest.

_Rachel's eyes._

She had seen them. She knows that she did. She saw Rachel look at her.

She _knows_ that she did.

She whispered once more into the stale air.

But this time, she didn't believe that anyone was listening.

**Okay. So this was short. I actually wrote this chapter differently originally, but I don't know. While typing it, it just came out this way instead. It's originally longer. But I liked ending it there. Sorry. I'll make it up to you guys.**

**Blame the length on that stupid promo. I JUST HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Ah. Alright. So, I have a lot of these ideas in my head and stuff and it's really hard for me to not post all of them. But I don't want to have a whole bunch of WIPs. Also, I have testing and stuff, so I'm going to be a little slow on updates and stuff.**

**Disclaimer: Ryan Murphy owns them and doesn't give them all the potential that they have on their show. *le sigh* That's what fan fic is for tho, right?**

Quinn got up from her seat and started wandering around the hospital. She didn't know where she was going, but kept on walking anyways. No one in the hospital bothered to even notice her.

Walking through the empty halls brought back a sick sense of nostalgia to Quinn. The last time she had been in this hospital was almost a year ago. The Regionals this year, being a little earlier than the last.

She remembered walking with no sense of direction or destination.

She came to the end of a hallway, leading off into two directions.

She peered down the right, knowing full well what waited down there. And she felt a slight pang in her stomach. Her hands immediately went to hold her lower abdomen, feeling at a loss as soon as she had done so.

She probably would've thrown up if it weren't for the fact that her stomach was completely empty. Because there was nothing there. Not anymore.

She shook her head and started walking down the left hallway, leaving whatever thoughts she had in the opposite direction. Just like she had before. Because if she had done it before, she could do it now. And it was left there.

She was walking down the other hallway when something caught her eyes. She abruptly stopped. She took a few steps and looked through the glass window of a door.

There she was.

She was resting and had tubes and wires going out of a million places. She visibly cringed at the sight. Her body was now normally positioned, but she still looked like a mess.

She slowly went inside, silently closing the door behind her. She grabbed a chair that was by the door and brought it beside the hospital bed.

Quinn took Rachel's hand by instinct and began crying again. Her hand was so limp and she could only feel the slightest hint of heat.

At least now Rachel's face looked relaxed, rather than contorted with pain and fear as she had previously seen her. But it was blank. She couldn't tell what the girl was feeling at all. And she didn't like it. She couldn't recall a time when she was unable to read this girl's expression. All her emotions were always easily laid out for the whole world to see. What Quinn _always_ saw.

But she couldn't be in pain, right? It _was_ a good sign.

That's what Quinn held on to, and didn't even notice as she clutched her hand tighter.

She learned her forehead against the bed and tried to muffle her cries into the sheets. She didn't notice Rachel opening her eyes and turning to her.

"Quinn? What? Where am I? What are you doing? Quinn, why are you crying? Why are you here? What happened? Where's Finn?"

The brunette spoke as much as she could in one breath, the panic of her voice rising with every syllable spoken. Her voice reached a sharp note as she finished off her waking ramble with Finn's name.

Quinn's head immediately shot up as soon as she heard Rachel, tears still in her eyes.

"Oh god. Rachel. You're okay. I'm sorry. I'm so so so sorry. Please I-"

She paused, meeting Rachel's eyes, finally able to see the girl properly again as she blinked and wiped away the tears from her eyes.

She looked into those brown eyes, but they weren't looking at her. The girl's focus was directed somewhere else.

Rachel was looking at their hands.

Quinn was still holding Rachel's hand in hers, her grip tight on the girl. She hadn't even noticed that she was still doing so, and that she was holding onto it so tightly.

Quinn thought about lightening her digits' hold or pulling away. Rachel must've found it awkward or was angry at some unwelcome contact from her.

Or she would have thought that if the look in Rachel's eyes didn't mimic the same emotion that she saw at the lake.

Fear.

Rachel was afraid. Quinn could see that now. Slightly relieved that she could now read her emotions, but panicking at the exact source of it.

That was when Quinn noticed that Rachel's hand hadn't moved since she had woken up.

It hadn't pulled away, gripped hers back, or intertwined their fingers.

It was just sitting there.

Rachel opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

Quinn watched as Rachel's brow furrowed in frustration and concentration. It would've been amusing in any other situation, but right now it was just heart-breaking.

Tears slowly rose up to Rachel's eyes, her brow ever-creasing.

Rachel finally let out an exasperated sigh of defeat, letting her brow finally relax. She let her head fall back onto the pillow and started to cry.

Quinn saw that it wasn't just Rachel's hand.

It was her whole body.

Frigid.

She was like a stone, her flashback of the lake hitting her again, feeling like someone had just dumped a million slushies on her – she never did forget that feeling. And she remembered Rachel's body in her arms, how broken she had seemed. How Quinn had even thought about how broken was. But she never thought it would be like this.

Rachel really was broken.

Rachel Berry couldn't move.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Please review? It's appreciated and helps me to write haha. **

**Switching to Rachel P.O.V. with no intoxication this time.**

Rachel Berry had awoken to find Quinn Fabray beside her and crying nonetheless.

She began to panic, her heart beat increasing. She didn't know where she was or what she was doing here. She had a giant headache and tried to remember bits and pieces of last night.

She remembered a bit of the party. Finn. Drinking. Dancing. A half-naked Brittany. Singing. Santana crying. Mike rapping. It was still all a blur.

Quinn was looking at her after Rachel had asked a series of questions. She looked so sad. Rachel wanted to reach out and comfort her. She looked for Quinn's hand, but it was already placed atop hers.

Rachel wanted to hold her hand and tell her it was fine. She didn't understand why Quinn was apologizing. She willed her hand to move, but nothing happened.

Nothing happened.

She stared at her hand and did everything she could without screaming at it to move.

She tried to move her other arm, her legs, toes, _anything._

Nothing was making any movement at all. All she could move freely was above the shoulders.

She never felt so…_defeated._

It was worse than the time she lost her voice – though that was a very close second.

She started to cry in front of Quinn. There was no feeling anywhere. The world was numb. She suddenly felt very dizzy again and found that she couldn't do anything to suppress the feeling, wanting to cling on to something – the bed, Quinn. But she couldn't and the swimming feeling taking over her.

She saw Quinn squeeze her hand through blurred eyes, causing her to cry even more. Rachel Berry had never felt this weak or shown this much vulnerability. The only people who had ever seen her cry were her fathers. Other times she had been acting or she would turn and run away before letting anyone see her tears fall.

She didn't have the strength to turn her head away, but found that she didn't want to.

Out of all the people to cry in front of, it was Quinn Fabray.

She didn't hate Quinn. She never hated Quinn. But they weren't close. Not at all.

Rachel believed Quinn despised her, hated her. But she had always extended a hand of friendship to Quinn.

Though she and her didn't talk, Rachel observed Quinn.

But what else was she supposed to do when she was subjected to **sway** in the **background**?

It's not like she just watched Quinn, she watched everyone.

Quinn just….fascinated her.

The way she would chew on her pen or get lost in her own daydreams.

Quinn never noticed her looking. Rachel would probably be mortified if Quinn caught her. She could imagine the line of insults that would come her way, besides the fact that she would be incredibly embarrassed.

So why now? Why was Quinn here? Why was Quinn the **only** one here?

This had to be a dream. Some cruel dream.

One where she couldn't reach out and touch Quinn, who always seemed so far away – in _and_ out of her dreams.

But everything was so vivid. Quinn. Every single feature. There was no way that her mind could construct her figure that perfectly (even with all her observations).

Well then this _had_ to be some cruel joke. They had rendered all of her movement impossible somehow.

It didn't make sense, why would Quinn Fabray be crying – crying for _her?_

They must've drugged her at the party. Her motor functions would return shortly. Eventually.

They were trying to get her to open her up to Quinn or something and then use all her secrets against her. She knew Quinn was mean, but this was crossing the fine line that she held for her.

"You can stop crying now. I know what you're doing," she snapped at the blonde and glared at her.

She was only met with sad eyes. Quinn opened her mouth to speak, but shut it again as her brow crinkled.

Rachel looked around the room. "Where is everyone else? I bet Noah and Santana are in on this too. I don't know how you convinced Finn to give me a tapped drink. Is he here too? How long does this last anyways?" Rachel moved her gaze from Quinn to the door, imagining the storm out that she would be performing if she could move.

"Rachel…I-I don't know what you're talking about." Quinn looked away from her nervously, only fueling Rachel's anger more.

"I'm talking about you and your little clique. I don't know what game you're playing at, but this is just sick and cruel. I would think that something like this would be beyond you. But then again, I guess I don't really know you at all Quinn." She spat out her name like it was poison to her mouth.

Quinn looked at her, with her lips slightly parted. She couldn't believe what was Rachel was saying. She was putting the blame on all of them. Quinn would take a lot of the responsibility, all of it really, but she couldn't believe Rachel was accusing her of making this happen on _purpose._ Quinn wanted to shout back at her and match her anger, but she couldn't bring herself to do it.

Rachel stared at Quinn.

_Why isn't she dropping her façade yet? Doesn't she realize that I've figured this out?_

"Stop it." Rachel coolly stated.

"W-what?" Quinn stuttered in fear.

"Stop. That. Just stop." Rachel slightly raised her voice, clearly holding back anger.

"Rachel, I really don't-"

"Stop! Stop calling me Rachel! Stop crying! Stop looking at me in _that_ way! Okay? Just stop!" Rachel screamed at her and began tearing up again. Her voice dropped to a whisper, "Please."

Quinn didn't stop. She let go of Rachel's hand and moved it to Rachel's face. She wiped the tears that were no longer being held in Rachel's eyes.

It's a small gesture. It's not romantic or intimate. She's only wiping the tears that Rachel can't wipe herself. Anybody would do it, right? Friends or not.

But it's _so_ much more.

Because Rachel can feel it. It's the first thing she's felt since she's woken up. Quinn's hand is so warm and her delicate fingers brush softly against her face.

And she's so sure that Quinn knows it too with the way that she looks at her, finally giving a slight smile.

The moment is broken when Rachel's fathers enter the room with a doctor. They're crying and shouting.

Quinn slips away from Rachel, leaving the room.

Rachel ignores her fathers talking to her.

She feels cold. She missed Quinn's touch. And she's just _gone_.

Her warm presence leaving has put her in a state of panic.

She begins screaming and thrashing her head around.

A nurse is soon rushed into the room, injecting a shot that Rachel can't feel.

But she feels herself slipping away, watching the doctor speak:

_**Paralyzed.**_

**A/N: As a side note, Paralyzed was the original title for this story.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Quinn P.O.V.**

Quinn couldn't stop herself. She _had_ to touch Rachel. She had to let her know that she was there. That she was there for _her._

Her hand was on Rachel's face. She let her fingers gently wipe at Rachel's tears. She didn't know if Rachel could feel that she was shaking. She couldn't keep her hand still. So, she slowly caressed Rachel's face with her thumb.

She had never been this close to Rachel or really touched her. The first time she ever had a lingering touch on Rachel was holding her hand.

But Rachel couldn't feel that.

Other times they had touched had only been slight brushes. School halls were crowded, shoulders would always brush. There were the slight bumps during glee practices. Even taunting the girl, she wouldn't touch the girl. Not the slightest push. She could be an inch away, screaming in her dace and she didn't _dare_ to touch her. And then there were the times that Rachel touched _her._

"_-those of us who choose to remain celibate"_ And then Rachel's hand went to her shoulder. But she quickly pushed it off. And Rachel even poked her slightly afterwards. Obviously annoyed at the fact that Quinn didn't support her when she spoke up. She even gave that little huff.

…

And then prom night. She allowed herself to be spoiled with slightly brushing her fingers as she took the tissue. And Rachel didn't even notice that. But then she offered to wipe her tears for her. They were separated by a thin layer of tissue, but she could still feel those soft fingers.

But now she was _really_ touching her.

Rachel slightly parted her lips, but didn't say anything as she continued to touch her. Quinn feels her stomach roll over.

What was that metaphor again? Butterflies?

Whatever it was, it was something most definitely bigger than butterflies.

What a stupid metaphor. Who came up with that stupid saying anyways? It was misleading.

_God._ Those eyes.

Quinn would never be able to stare back into those eyes. She never had been able to. Whenever Rachel would attempt a conversation with her, she never directly looked at her except for a few seconds. They always seemed to be looking in to her, piercing her soul. She didn't like it. When Rachel looked at her, she felt vulnerable. Like Rachel could see everything, not like undressing her or anything gross like the way Puck looks at her, but like she could actually see _her._ All of her secrets and past everything that she's hiding.

So Quinn looked away, deciding to focus on any other feature on her face.

Her nose seemed to be the vest decision, but she found her eyes wandering down to Rachel's lips.

_What the hell? No. She couldn't look at her lips. She _wasn't _looking at her lips._

It would go perfectly with hers. If they pressed together. Thin vs. full.

_Goddammit!_

Her thoughts are distracted by other presences that had entered the room.

She immediately removed herself from Rachel and did what she always does:

Run.

She ran out of the room in a second, ignoring the Berrys and the doctors who had just entered.

She ignored the nurses and doctors in the hallways and just ran.

She ran until she was sure that she was alone.

She stopped in the middle of the hallway and tried to collect her thoughts.

_What the hell was that? Did we almost- No. Christ. I shouldn't even be thinking about this. But I wanted- No. What if-_

"Ms. Fabray?"

Quinn turned around to find herself facing a tall black man with tears in his eyes. It was one of Rachel's dads.

He must've run after her. But she was so sure that she was alone.

She wiped her tears instinctively, not wanting anyone to see them, though she was unaware that she was even crying until now.

She looked up at the bigger man, biting her lip. She was ready for whatever he had to say to her. He was probably beyond pissed. And blamed her. She would do the same. If someone else had been the one responsible for Rachel…

He stopped her train of thought as he dame closer to her and enveloped her in to a warm hug. Quinn froze at first, but slowly relaxed into the strong arms, and let her tears run again.

"Ahem." A man cleared his throat and Quinn looked past Mr. Berry's shoulder to see Mr. Schue, who was timidly looking at his shoes. He looked up at her and she could see that his eyes were puffy and red.

"Quinn, I think I should take you home now." He spoke softly, as if to not anger her.

Quinn looked up at Mr. Berry, who was still holding onto her and looked back down at her. She gave him a small squeeze before asking, "Can I see Rachel before I go?"

He nodded at her and slowly loosed from the hug, but wrapped and arm around her as they began to walk back to the room, she could feel him slightly using her as a support. Mr. Schue flanked to her other side, placing his hand on her shoulder and squeezing it reassuringly.

When they entered the room, Rachel was asleep on the bed and the other Mr. Berry was speaking to doctor.

She earned a glare from the shorter Mr. Berry as he notices their presence. The tall man still holding her throws his own glare toward his spouse, causing the small Mr. Berry to grumble and go back to speaking to the doctor, but not without giving Quinn a warning glance.

Quinn frees herself from the grasp of Mr. Schue and Mr. Berry and immediately goes to Rachel's bedside, taking a seat in the chair she abandoned just a while before.

Rachel is dead asleep from the anesthetic. Quinn can't help but notice how peaceful Rachel looks. It's a rare thing to see Rachel both relaxed and quiet. And she loves how Rachel looks when she's asleep. She decides she needs to see it more.

Quinn takes Rachel's hand and holds it in her own.

"Quinn, we should go now."

She suppressed herself from growling at her glee coach, keeping it low in her throat. "No," she states quietly, but forcefully.

"Quinn. You can't stay. Your parents will be looking for you."

Quinn refuses to face him as she speaks to him. Keeping her eyes locked on Rachel's face. "My parents don't care," she admits. "I don't even know where my dad is. And my mom..." Quinn shakes her head. She finally turns to face him, every pair of eyes except the ones she would want to see are locked on her. "I'm not leaving her." And she turns back to Rachel again.

She hears shuffling and hushed words behind her. She closes her eyes, trying to block out the distractions and opens them again to look at Rachel.

"I'm not leaving you."


	7. Chapter 7

**Rachel P.O.V.**

**A/N: Ahh I need to stop switching P.O.V.s. One day, I'll mess them up. And have Rachel being like **_**damn Rachel is so hot**_**. And I know she can be full of herself sometimes. But come on.**

**Also, if you find 'Finn Fucking Hudson' being updated faster than this, it's because this story depresses me and I need to write crack/humor to even it out. Even though, this one is all written out and just needs to be typed up while the next FFH is still being planned out in my head…**

**Anddd I just want to say that your reviews really make my day you guys. Like I literally just read one and was grinning like a freak. And it helps me to write when you guys review, so please do!**

Rachel wakes up, ready for a new day. She has to begin her morning routine. Get up, grab a banana, get changed, and get on the elliptical.

It takes her a few moments to realize that she's not in her room.

It takes 10 minutes of struggling to realize that she can't move.

It takes 5 minutes of silent panicking to realize that her nightmare had in fact been real.

It takes a quiet snore for her to realize that she's not alone.

Quinn's seated in a chair beside her. Her head is resting on her arm, which was leaning against the bed. Quinn was turned towards her, softly breathing in her slumber.

Rachel wondered how long she had been there – she couldn't have stayed with her **all** night. Because that wouldn't make any sense. Certainly Quinn Fabray had more important things to worry about it. And Rachel knows just how Quinn feels about her. And on a list of things that Quinn would be doing, she doesn't expect herself to be on it. And as wonderful as the prospect that Quinn Fabray might actually care is, it hurts more than it brings her joy.

She finally notices that Quinn's hand is lying on top of her own.

"Quinn. Quinn. Wake up." Rachel tries to softly rouse Quinn from her sleep with her voice. Trying to ignore the fact that she can't move to gently shake her awake.

The blonde let out a soft groan, but didn't open her eyes. She watched as Quinn held her hand a little tighter – even if she couldn't feel it, she could see it – and she had no idea what that would feel like.

"Quinn. Please wake up." She slightly raises her tone and adds force to it. Because she _needs_ Quinn to wake up now.

"Mmm. Five more minutes mom." Quinn sleepily slurs. Rachel watched Quinn subconsciously start to rub her thumb over her hand.

"Quinn!" She cried out, feeling as if she was about to burst. It was too much. It was just too much now.

"Huh. What? Where am I? Rachel?" Quinn quickly jumped up, letting go of Rachel and staring at her with tired eyes. "What is it Rachel? Are you okay?"

Rachel stared at her with a confused look. "Why are you here?"

Quinn cocked an eyebrow at her. "Hm? What do you mean?"

"Don't give me that look. Why are you here Quinn? It doesn't make any sense." Rachel was frustrated enough with her own body and she didn't need to be confused as well. But her words came out harsher than she had intended.

"Oh. Uhm…I should go then? I'm sorry. I just-" Quinn bit her lip and looked away from Rachel.

"Wait. Quinn. No. Don't go. I just… I don't understand why _you_ are here."

Quinn turned back to her, a confused look still painted on her face.

"We're not exactly friends Quinn."

Rachel swears that she could hear the click of a light bulb in Quinn's head as a wave of realization passed her face and…guilt?

_No. That can't be right._

Quinn slowly nods at her expressing….remorse? pity?

Rachel can't place her finger on what Quinn is currently feeling.

"I realize that." Quinn says softly. Rachel tilted her head to the side, urging her to continue with curious eyes. "I just…I was just hoping maybe we could be, after everything. I mean, if you still want to be my friend because it was pretty stupid of me to….uh…uhm...maybe I should just go."

"Quinn. Wait." Rachel calls out sternly once the ex-cheerleader starts to turn around to leave again. "Are you saying that you want to be friends?"

"I-yes?" Quinn looks at her with uncertainty, causing Rachel to quirk an eyebrow.

"Are you sure?"

"What? Yes! Yes. Of course I'm sure." Rachel has to stifle a giggle from escaping her lips from Quinn's quick outburst and the fact that her cheeks are now blushing a light tint of red.

Rachel beamed a grin at her and nodded. "Well…I guess if you're so eager to advance out friendship."

Quinn frowns at her. "Were you just being sarcastic with me?"

"No."

"Oh god. Rachel Berry can actually have sarcasm. Who would've thought?" Rachel notices Quinn relaxing back into her seat, giving a small smile. But it only lasts a fleeting moment.

Quinn leans against the bed, looking at Rachel with concern. "How are you?"

Rachel attempted to shrug, but her shoulders made no movement. "I've been better." She finally says in a monotone voice.

"Do you know what happened?" Rachel shook her head at this. She got bits and pieces, hearing people talk around her and whatever her hazy memory could muster. Quinn sighed at this.

"Do you remember the party?"

Rachel shook her head again. "Only some of it. It's a blur."

"Can you tell me what you remember?"

Rachel's brow crinkled as she began to recall the events of last night.

"Uhm….I remember a drunk Noah hitting on me with horrible pick-up lines. For example: 'I'm on fire. Can I run through your sprinkler?' or "You're like a pop tart. You're cool because you're hot."

Quinn laughs as Rachel perfectly does a Puck impersonation, eyebrow waggle and all. "Oh god. I think you just nailed that."

Rachel beamed at her again, glad that the girl was laughing again. "Well I'm not sure where I'll have to use my 'Puckzilla' skills-"

Quinn cuts her off, while laughing and shaking her head. "I think you've been hanging out with him too much."

Rachel laughed. "Perhaps, but Noah isn't all that bad. I'm aware that all his actions are just a façade."

Quinn nodded at this. "I know."

"Santana as well, her drinking brings out her insecurities."

"Yeah, but she'll deny it once she's sober." Quinn points out.

"I still prefer a sober, rude Santana to a weeping one; it's still an unusual sight to see." Rachel admitted.

Quinn shrugged with a small smile at her.

"I remember Finn…" Rachel quietly says. She can't help but notice Quinn's smile fade and turn into a grimace.

"He gave me something…a drink…and that's where everything starts to get mixed up."

"Can you remember more for me Rachel?"

Rachel bites her lip. It makes all the difference that Quinn said 'for me', regardless of whether she knows it or not.

"We were dancing and everything was so dizzy, I told Finn that I had to go sit down and he helped me. It was hot and then it was dark…" Rachel's head started to hurt and she trailed off in her mind trying to retrieve her memories.

"Rachel?"

"Hmm….?"

Quinn raised an eyebrow at her, looking completely concerned.

"Oh…right. Uhm well we were-" Rachel made a face, uncomfortable with actually saying what they were doing.

Quinn sighs, "I know."

"That's all I remember before driving out of there and well…." Rachel felt pretty sure that she didn't have to finish that for Quinn who flinched a little.

"Nothing else?"

"Is there something else Quinn?" Rachel asks, even though she's silently hoping there isn't anything else.

"What? No... I don't...I mean…you don't remember me?"

Rachel bit her lip as she thought. "I don't…I mean other than before I was drinking or at the lake-"

"What? The lake?" Quinn's face scrunches up in confusion.

"You saved my life Quinn; it's not something that one forgets."

"But you were unconscious-"

"I was pretty sure you saw me when I looked at you." Rachel said, unsure of it now.

"I thought that I had imagined that."

Rachel nodded at her in understanding. Quinn sighed softly before speaking again, "Rachel. At the party, you and Finn…you two were drunk and he took you a room alone."

Rachel could feel her eyes widen as she was sure about what Quinn was about to tell her. Finn had taken her virginity, while she was drunk nonetheless. While both of them were drunk. It probably would've been with Finn anyways, but she couldn't even remember it. It meant nothing. She couldn't remember her first time and it meant nothing. And she hadn't even kept her vow to wait until she was 25. And now…she'd never be able to redeem herself. It was her first _and_ only time.

Rachel found herself shaking her head and holding back tears as Quinn was still thinking. She had been lost in her thoughts while the blonde was still speaking.

"-but I shouldn't have, because it was none of my business. But I couldn't let him do that to you and then you ran out I'm so sorry, this is all my fault Rachel."

Rachel was sobbing now, but she caught the last part of Quinn's retelling of what happened at the party. "Wait…what? Me and Finn, we didn't?"

"What? No. Weren't you listening to me Rachel? Puck and I came in before you two could do anything."

Rachel blinked at her, disbelieving until the memories suddenly began to flood back into her mind.

"_You. You! How- how dare you? You cannot tell me what to do. Out of all the people, you? I don't owe you anything. Not. One. Fuck Fabray. This isn't any of your business. Nothing I do is any of your business, but you're always trying to just mess up everything, aren't you? You take everything I have! I'm sick and tired of you and your attitude. You don't care about anything! So why now? Just _fuck off_!"_

"Oh god Quinn, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean any of that. I was intoxicated. I would never-" Rachel stopped talking when she heard Quinn let out a cold laugh, she flinched a little in instinct. The feeling of being slapped by an iceberg passed over her, leaving her a little flushed.

But no slushie came into being, only Quinn's voice. "You're sorry? Rachel, you don't have to be sorry for anything. I deserved everything that you said to me and it was all true anyways." Quinn's voice was cold, reminding Rachel of the days when Quinn would bully her.

Rachel opened her mouth to protest, but Quinn held up a finger to silence her. "I'm the one who's apologizing right now. You wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me."

Rachel shook her head. "No Quinn. This isn't your fault."

"Isn't it?" Quinn's natural façade was slowly dissipating as her voice began to crack. "If I hadn't gotten je- gotten in between you and Finn, you wouldn't have gone off and driven drunk. And I was the designated driver. I was supposed to just make sure that you wouldn't drive. I'm just a horrible person. I've always been terrible, especially to you. You didn't deserve and of that and you don't deserve this Rachel. I'm so sorry." Quinn dropped whatever walls she had and cried in front of Rachel, repeating her apology.

Rachel couldn't blame Quinn. But she was confused and…mad.

She softly spoke to Quinn, "Get out."

Quinn looked at Rachel with surprise, but only momentarily as she began to frantically nod as she got up. She walked to the door, but turned back around to Rachel, facing the floor.

Rachel watched her fingers tap lightly at her side. She didn't feel Quinn looking at her, but she couldn't risk watching her face. Because if she looked up and she saw her eyes, Rachel wouldn't be able to restrain herself from asking Quinn to come back.

And she already so close to pleading for Quinn to come back.

"I really am sorry Rachel."

And with that apology, Quinn was gone.

Rachel cried alone in the hospital bed until she finally fell asleep.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**Quinn P.O.V. (A/N: -_-)**

**Oh. And thank you all for reading! It means a lot to me! And I really can't express how much I love you all who are enjoying and reviewing!**

Quinn couldn't leave the hospital.

It's not like she had anywhere else to be. Her mom was probably at home drunk or somewhere else in the same state. And her father…well she really had no idea where he was at the moment, and she'd like to keep it that way.

Some things couldn't go back to the way they were.

Quinn went into the waiting room to find the rest of the glee club looking at her as soon as she entered. She didn't greet any of them, even though they were all looking at her expectantly.

She took a seat as far away as she could get, trying to keep herself separate – but it was hard to do when they pretty much occupied the small room. She found her seat near Tina and Artie, who she was sure wouldn't make an attempt to talk to her anyways.

They all stared at her for a few more moments before going about their own business. Which was mostly just sitting there quietly, with shifting glance towards random directions – purposely avoiding any eye contact – and some hushed whispers filled with grief.

A now sober Finn was the farthest away from Quinn – she had chosen this spot purposefully.

He had his head in his hands and she could see him whispering to himself. If he had brought his knees up, he would be in a fetal position.

Puck was pacing the floor, while Lauren – who was standing – would occasionally make him stop and speak to him. Then he would just shake his head and pace again. It was a never-ending cycle.

Tina and Artie were softly speaking to each other with muffled sobs.

Mike and Sam shared a seat as they both switched between a handheld videogame. Their faces were obviously red and their eyes glazed over, not too focused on the game.

Santana, Brittany, Kurt, and Mercedes were all sitting together on a couch. Mercedes was practically bawling as Kurt held her, shedding some tears of his own. Even Santana looked a little somber, her bitch face not as strong, especially as she had an arm wrapped around Brittany who looked confused and kept on whispering with Santana.

Quinn refused to cry in front of them. In front of Rachel was another thing.

She sat up straight with her arms crossed, trying to ignore her classmates around her.

Mr. Schue entered the room, placing a hand on Puck to stop him mid-pace and whispered something to him. The mohawked boy nodded to his mentor walked off.

Mr. Schue turned to face the room and gently clapped his hands together once to gain their attention, even though they were already fixated on him. "You guys can start to visit Rachel now, they don't want more than two people in the room with her, so you can go alone or with a buddy." His voice was soft and didn't have the usual tone of authority. Mr. Schue wasn't their teacher right now. He was just like one of them, another person grieving over Rachel's accident.

Quinn wondered how long they had all been waiting here and if they had all been waiting for Quinn to leave Rachel's room.

Puck came back into the waiting room with his hands in his pockets. He sat down this time, next to Quinn. She considered getting up and moving, but she was just too tired.

Everyone was staring at him now, but he paid them no attention. He looked at Finn. Well, _glared_ at Finn.

"She wants to see you." He growled out his words.

Finn looked bewildered as he lifted his head slowly out of his hands and shifted his vision across the room, meeting everyone's eyes.

He finally locked onto Quinn's.

She didn't like the emotions that flew over her, like he transferred everything that he was feeling.

Guilt, regret, anger, mourning.

But the pain.

That was the worst.

She could see it, she could _feel_ it.

She looked away from him, looked anywhere, anywhere _but_ Finn Hudson.

He's still staring at her, but he finally gets up.

Quinn lets out a breath that she didn't notice that she was holding.

Puck did and he places his hand on top of hers. She can feel his emotions as well, the guilt and anger, he grips her hand harder. She doesn't dare pull away. She knows she's his last support.

He doesn't talk, but she doesn't know if that makes it better or worse.

They all wait for Finn to return, some awaiting their own turn or they just want to know what happens between the two.

Quinn feels like it's taking too long, but when he comes back with a grave expression, she feels like it wasn't long enough.

He doesn't acknowledge anyone, just sits back in his seat and stares off into space.

Everybody looks at Finn, then at each other, wondering who's next.

All of a sudden, Santana is standing up. She grabs Brittany's hand, linking their pinkies as they walk out of the waiting room together.

Kurt and Mercedes' jaws go slack as they alternate between looking at the now vacant seats beside them and each other.

"What the hell just happened?" The words leave Mercedes lips in shock, so much shock that her crying had subsided. Kurt only shook his head at her and repeatedly blinked his eyes as he looked at the free space on the couch.

Tina unexpectedly speaks up. "Did S-Santana just-" But Lauren cuts her off:

"I don't see what's the big fucking deal." Lauren has her hands on her hips and looks around the room. "We're all sad about this. It'd be wrong to not be. She just got up because all of you would rather stay on your asses."

"Lauren." Mr. Schue finally interrupts, but his sternness wavers. She only glares at him for a moment before heading out of the room.

"I have to be dreaming." Kurt states and then proceeds to pinch himself, giving a small yelp. Mercedes broke into a new wave of tears and Kurt wrapped his arms back around her.

Quinn watched him whisper into her ear, slightly rocking her.

Kurt looks up and meets her eyes.

Quinn has to swallow the bile that immediately rose to her throat.

Puck released her hand, muttering something about his stomach as an excuse and left the room.

Artie took the hand that Puck had previously been holding. She looked up at him, surprised, and he gave her this tiny smile. She immediately thought back to their 'Dream A Little Dream of Me' performance where she had found herself sympathizing with the handicapped boy. He was returning the favor now.

Santana and Brittany came back into the room, both of them seeming to hold onto the other. They sat back in their previous seats.

Santana's face was obviously strewn with tears that she hadn't bothered to wipe off. Brittany had her arm wrapped around her.

A familiar wave of confusion went over Brittany's face and she leaned in closer to Santana. "Why didn't Rachel hug me back San?"

Everybody watched as Santana began openly crying in front of the group and Brittany pulled her closer into her. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I take it back."

Mike and Sam had gotten up and were now slowly walking off to the room together.

Santana managed to catch Quinn's eye. Her gaze held anger and sadness, and she knew the former was directed towards her. But they were both too exhausted to start screaming at each other. They held a mutual agreement in the short eye-lock that it would wait.

Not here, not now.

And then Santana let herself be buried into Brittany. The taller blonde looked at Quinn now, her eyes filled with confusion and sadness. The usual joy that radiated from the girl wasn't seen, Quinn didn't look for long.

"Rachel's going to be alright San." The Latina only cried harder.

Brittany searched for faces around the room desperately. "She is going to be alright. Right, you guys?"

No one dared to answer Brittany's question.

"Oh." Brittany looked to the floor in defeat and started to cry as well. "But she said that she was going to be alright. Tell them Santana. Tell them what Rachel said to you."

Everyone looked at Santana, who only stared at Brittany. She nodded at the blonde Cheerio. "She said…she said that she doesn't need her body to sing." Her voice cracked as the blonde held onto her.

Brittany beamed at everyone in the room. "See? Rachel can still sing. That's what makes it alright."

A little light seemed to come into the room. They wouldn't be missing Rachel's voice and it is what made up most of her. It was small optimism, but those who had negative thoughts kept it to themselves.

"I mean, you said that's all she's good for, right Kurt?"

And like that, the light was out.

Kurt stared wide-eyed at Brittany before running into Sam's arms as he came back into the room.

"Did I say something wrong?" Brittany turned back to Santana who shook her head and was now the one to hold her.

If anybody was surprised that Sam hugged Kurt back, they didn't show it.

"I need to see Rachel." Kurt spoke into the blonde's shoulder. He nodded and squeezed him a little tighter before letting go.

Mercedes proceeded to get up and follow after Kurt, but he ushered her back down. "I need to do this alone."

Mercedes looked hurt as Kurt walked out of the waiting room alone.

Tina took Kurt's place next to Mercedes. "Don't worry, I'll go with you." Mercedes gave her a sad smile before crying again, Tina cried along with her.

Quinn turned to Artie. "It's fine. I can go alone." He gave her a small smile.

Sam and Mike sat back down in their seats, but didn't pull out a game. Artie turned to them. "How is she?" Mike and Sam looked between each other, unsure of what to say. Artie nodded even though they were still looking between each other.

"Was she loud or quiet?"

Santana spoke up now, "Loud. Not even _this_ could keep the girl's mouth shut." Some people glared at her joke, Quinn understood that this was Santana's only defense.

Artie nodded again. "Was she overly happy? For her I mean."

Santana tilted her head at him. "Yeah..I mean I guess."

"She didn't stop smiling the whole time we were there." Mike spoke up with a raise of his hand.

"She said we were funny." Sam raised an eyebrow.

"Oh please, nobody laughs at your stupid impressions. If she was laughing at you, it was because of your big ass lips." Sam frowned and crossed his arms and Santana spitting across the room at him.

"San…" Brittany placed a hand on Santana's shoulder.

"Sorry, I just…" She diverted everyone's eyes.

Artie nodded again.

"Why the hell are you asking anyways Four Eyes?" Santana asked with more curiosity rather than spite.

"I'm just seeing if she's going through the stages…" He softly muttered.

"The _what_ Roller Boy?"

"Stages of denial. The thing I went through when I…" He shifted in his wheelchair a little, Santana had a flash of sympathy and finally shut her mouth.

Kurt came into the room, running his hand through his hair – he no longer cared if he messed it up.

Tina and Mercedes got up, Mercedes and Kurt exchanged a hug before the girls went out.

Kurt took a seat back on the couch with Santana and Brittany. Sam walked over to him and wrapped his arms around hi,. Kurt cried into him, clutching the front of his shirt.

"Everything is going to be alright." The blonde rocked the smaller boy in his arms.

"Do you know what she said to me?" Kurt didn't wait for Sam to answer, "She told me that she knew and what you told her."

Sam only smiled at him.

"I love you too Sam."

He hugged Kurt closer and kissed the top of his head. "I love you Kurt."

Mr. Schue was the only one who looked confused and shocked, even though everyone else felt the same, it wasn't something they wanted to deal with right now.

Mr. Schue searched all of their faces and finally wiped off the incredulous look from his face. "I'm going to go check on Mercedes and Tina." He got up, still uncomfortable, and passed Puck and Lauren as they came into the waiting room with trays of food.

Everyone sat with the food now passed out and in front of them, but nobody was eating.

Except Lauren, who chewed her sweets quietly.

Mr. Schue came back into the room with Mercedes and Tina who looked hysterical with grief. Their faces were strained with tears and they were wide-eyed. "Alright guys, who's next?"

Artie started to roll out of the room, but turned around and faced Quinn.

"…I don't want to go alone."

Everybody watched as Quinn nodded and got up to push Artie out of the waiting room.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Rachel was ready with a smile for the next visitors that came in. It was easier to pretend to be alright, years of practice made her happiness convincing. As tiring as keeping up a showface could be, she knew that there were only a few more members of the glee club left. Soon she would be able to rest her face muscles and just rest in general.

Artie rolled in with a small smile, but then Rachel noticed the person behind him, causing her smile to fade for a fraction of a second. She hadn't been expecting Quinn to come back at all.

Quinn was staring at the floor as she entered, purposely avoiding looking at Rachel. She was only here because Artie asked her to be here. And as much as she wanted to be with Rachel (that sounded much better before clearly thought out), she knew Rachel probably still didn't want to see her.

"Hey Rachel. How are you?" Artie rolled himself over to Rachel's bedside. His voice was light and soft.

"I'm fine Arthur." The emotion was gone from her voice and it sent a sick feeling to the bottom of Quinn's stomach.

On the opposite side of Rachel's bed, across from Artie, was the chair that Quinn had been sitting in before. It was still in the same exact spot, unmoved. Quinn goes to take the seat again, noticing the chair is cold. Nobody has been sitting on the chair. She's still avoiding looking at Rachel, so she misses the slight catch in Rachel's breath as she takes her seat. Rachel keeps her head turned to Artie, but can feel Quinn behind her still.

"Are you sure?" Artie peered at Rachel from behind his glasses.

"Yes. I'm sure." She assured him, still using that monotone voice.

Artie tries to give a look to Quinn, but her focus was currently on whatever material her chair was made of.

Artie sighed softly. "Rachel, you can't just pretend it's alright." Quinn's head snapped up to look at him, he said it so bluntly.

"What are you talking about? It _is_ alright." Rachel replied calmly.

She probably told the same thing to everyone. But Quinn was unconvinced. She spent most of her time keeping a façade and lying to the world, Rachel wasn't about to fool her.

And Artie seemed unconvinced as well. "Rachel…you can't just ignore this. You can talk to us."

Rachel finally turned to face Quinn, but her expression was blank. "Both of you?" She directed the question to Quinn.

Quinn looked at Rachel and met her eyes. Her voice was cold, but she saw the slight falter in her eyes. Her eyes always spoke so much more than her words.

Quinn finally replied after a moment. "Yes Rachel. Of course."

_She never could say no to Rachel…_

And she didn't know why.

She didn't know what was in Rachel's eyes. What it was about her eyes.

She didn't know whether it was just the way that she looked at her, trusting – but cautious. Rachel always was hesitant with her. _Only_ her.

Or maybe she didn't want to see the disappointment in the girl's eyes if she refused.

But it was probably that whenever she looked at her, the inside of her chest tugged a little.

A fraction of a pull. But it was just enough to force a yes out of her always. Every. Single. Time.

Rachel kept her gaze for a while before slowly nodding, assured that Quinn was telling the truth. But she shook her head and turned back to Artie. "It doesn't matter anyways. I'm fine. Thank you, but I'm fine."

"No. You're not," Artie plainly stated. And Quinn knew it as well. Rachel was _far_ from okay.

"I'm fine." Rachel's voice came out strong, obviously trying to sound convincing – but it was unsure whether it was for them or for herself.

"No. You're not," Artie repeated.

"Yes I am!" Rachel shouted at Artie, but the boy didn't flinch. He only kept staring at Rachel, the sadness cruelly obvious within his eyes.

"Rachel…" Quinn softly spoke, trying to soothe her, but to no success.

She shook her head quickly, shouting even louder this time. "No! You don't understand! None of you understand!"

Artie shifted in his wheelchair uncomfortably and began to slowly raise his hand, but quickly realized what he was doing and stopped himself. Quinn didn't fail to notice and was sure that Rachel saw it as well as she saw a flash of sympathy pass over the girl's eyes and she calmed down quickly. He turned to Quinn, "Can I talk to Rachel alone?"

Quinn nodded quickly and started to get up, but Rachel gave her a look forcing her to stop mid-way and turned back to Artie. "Wait. No. Why does Quinn have to leave?" She looked between the two of them with wild eyes.

Artie just sat quietly in his chair. He gave Quinn a glance before looking down in his lap.

Quinn bit her lip before moving in closer to Rachel. "You'll be fine," she whispered to her.

"What about you?" Rachel breathed back, slowly shutting her eyes – trying to calm herself at the proximity between the two of them.

Quinn only answered by pressing her hand to Rachel's face gently and giving her a smile – trying to convince her that she was okay. But as soon as Rachel started to lean into the touch, Quinn pulled away and left and the room for the two of them to speak.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

She went back into the waiting room of the hospital. Because, really, where else did she have to go? And no, she wasn't exactly looking forward to having 11 pairs of eyes boring into her, but she saw it as a challenge – and she never backed down from a challenge.

So she held up her chin as she entered into the waiting room, her face devoid of emotion, tears already wiped away, because she had to be strong. For them. For herself. For Rachel. Especially for Rachel.

Thinking of Rachel wasn't helping. She wasn't holding back tears for her. She's doing this for herself. Right. For herself. No one else. Nothing she does is for anyone else. Only herself. Just like it's always been.

Right.

Just walk into the waiting room, Fabray.

And breathe. That might be important too.

Just breathe and walk in.

Puck stood up and went over to Quinn as soon as she came back into the living room. She silently glared at him, because all she wanted to do was sit down and wait until Artie got back out, but he was blocking her way to the seat on the other side of the room. He wasn't budging, he either had no idea what she was trying to tell him or was brave enough to defy her of what she wanted. For his sake, she supposed it was the former. And she was too tired to be mad at anyone right now.

"Where's Artie?" Tina called out. She shifted in her chair over Mercedes lap to try and see behind Quinn; perhaps her tall figure was covering the small, slender boy's. Quinn looked back over her shoulder. She wasn't. Quinn turned back to face the group, "He'll be back soon." Some of them gave her questioningly looks, but no one voiced anything.

Quinn watched Puck shuffle a little in front of her before wrapping his arms lightly around her and squeezing softly. She felt his unshaven face rub against her cheek and his lips against her ear. She ignored the déjà vu she was feeling and the urge to quickly push him away – and he stayed there just like last time. But unlike last time, there was no cockiness in his voice as he whispered in her ear. "I'm so sorry." And he quickly left her (another short wave of déjà vu) and went back to his seat.

Quinn shut her eyes quickly and willed herself not to cry. Forced herself not to cry. Stupid Noah Puckerman.

Just breathe.

When Quinn finally opened her eyes, she saw that the only available seat was now next to Santana and Brittany. Stupid Noah Puckerman. Breathe. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Breathe. Just breathe.

She hesitated slightly as she went over to the couch and slowly lowered herself onto it. She didn't miss Santana eyeing her warily as she was taking her seat. Just breathe. As soon as she was seated she heard a "Q." and then felt arms wrap around her. She turned slightly to see Brittany crying on her shoulder and Santana holding the tall blonde.

When Brittany finally calmed down enough to talk she spoke softly. "Is Rachel going to be okay, Quinn?" Quinn saw that there were more tears ready to flood out of her eyes. She looked over to the Latina, who was holding a steady gaze on Brittany before meeting Quinn's eyes. Santana only let her walls down for a second, allowing Quinn to see that she was struggling just as hard even if she wasn't going to show it, but quickly turned it into a hard glare, which clearly warned Quinn to watch what she was about to say.

Quinn held the agreement with Santana with her eyes. Something they always did, because things like this were easier to be left unsaid. And they knew each other well enough to just speak with just a look. One day, they would eventually get to words and get _everything _out. They would talk about their mutual hate towards Sue Sylvester, they would talk about their parents, they would talk about what happened on the night Quinn got pregnant, and they would talk about the feelings that they had for certain people. They would. Eventually. And they always held the agreement that they would in their eyes.

Quinn let her right arm wrap around Brittany. She didn't want to see the other blonde cry and she didn't want to face the wrath of Santana if she was the cause of her tears. But she couldn't lie. "I don't know Britt…" Santana frowned, but Brittany didn't cry.

She only nodded sadly, "I'm sorry Quinn." Santana raised an eyebrow at Brittany, nudging her a little. Brittany turned back to Santana – her head still on Quinn's shoulder – giving her a confused look. "What are you talking about B?" Brittany smiled wide at Santana. "Well Quinn- Oh hi Artie!"

Every head in the room turned to face the boy as he wheeled himself back inside. Every head except Santana's, who was still looking at Brittany. "Well Quinn _what?" _she thought. She would have to remember to remind Brittany later. Because it frankly was killing her right now. And Quinn's confused look as Brittany began wasn't missed by her. Whatever Brittany was going to say was something good. Perhaps not for Quinn, but it would be very, very good for her. She suppressed a smirk from coming to her face. The guilt she suddenly felt as Brittany was squeezing her hand for reassurance, bringing her back to the reality of the situation they were in was enough to do so.

Quinn got up and went over to him. She kneeled beside his wheelchair in order to lean in close to the boy and be at eye-level with him. "Is she okay?" She finally managed to ask him after a long moment, one that she spent trying to think out the correct words to say and to not just bluntly ask what he had been talking about with Rachel. Artie nodded, "She'll be fine." He placed a hand on her shoulder as she nodded back towards him. "You should go see her now."

"Uh. Wait just a minute." Lauren stood up, throwing whatever food she had in her hands at Puck. She crossed her arms and stared down at Quinn. "You've already had a turn; actually I think you've had more than enough time than the rest of us combined."

Quinn quickly scrambled to her feet. The hard stare from Lauren Zizes wouldn't be taken while she was on the floor. She copied her, crossing her arms as well. If a stare-down was what she wanted, oh she was going to get one alright.

Mr. Schue stood up and tried to get Lauren to sit down (to no avail). "You can go afterwards Lauren."

She scoffed at him. "Yeah, think again. I'm sure Blondie here is going to take her sweet time." She waved her arm at Quinn as she spoke, but didn't even turn to her. It was infuriating for Quinn. If she was going to be talked about, she was going to at least be faced and spoken properly to.

Mr. Schue shook his head. He knew that he was going to be able to change Lauren's mind. He turned to Quinn. Some higher power had it out for him as he was faced with two of the most headstrong people who were now head to head. At least he didn't handle the fights between Santana and Quinn like Sue had to. He gave a pleading look to the blonde.

Quinn nodded slowly and forced a smile. She wasn't going to be the problem here. She wasn't going to be the cause of the issue. Not again. And it's not like she could just tackle Zizes to the ground and claim the rights to see Rachel. She wasn't going to be the cause of the issue. Breathe.

She could do it. Easily. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

"Yeah it's fine." She spoke to Mr. Schue, refusing to say it to Lauren. Mr. Schue nodded towards Lauren who smiled in turn. Quinn faced Lauren and gave her a look.

Artie poked her side gently. "Stop smiling at her like a serial killer."

She held a blank expression after that and Lauren walked past her.

_Just breathe._

**A/N: I definitely had a song in mind while writing this, but I cannot remember the name of it and it's killing me.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

"What's taking her so long?" Quinn growled and gripped Puck's wrist tighter.

"Nails, Quinn! Nails!"

"Sorry…" Quinn gave up a little pressure, but still held tight onto Puck. "What could your girlfriend possibly be saying to her?"

Puck shrugged at her, he honestly had no idea what they could even be talking about.

"That's it. I'm going in. She's been in there too long. Something's wrong."

Puck held her, preventing her from getting up. "Everything's fine Quinn. Come on, we were all waiting for _you._"

She looks up at the rest of the room and they all quickly glance away. They all go back to random conversation with each other, acting as if they weren't just listening in on Puck and Quinn.

But she doesn't fail to hear Brittany talking to Santana; she really wasn't the very best at whispering. "She took a really long time." Santana whispered something back to Brittany that she couldn't catch, but she knew it was dirty because Santana had that smirk and Brittany smirked as well before laughing.

Santana then glanced over at her with a glint in her eye. Quinn glared at them and Santana held her gaze, daring her to do something. But she wasn't about to give Santana the pleasure.

Quinn huffed and lowered herself back deeper into her seat than she already was and crossed her arms. "Fine."

Everyone silently stared at her; some of them had their mouths wide open.

"What?" Quinn snapped. Everyone went back to whatever they were doing; some of them even mumbled an apology.

Puck was still turned to her with an eyebrow raised, unafraid of an angry Quinn – poor judgment on his part.

"What?" She asked, specifically to Puck who only smirked back at her.

"You're just acting…weird. Jew-like. A _certain_ Jew to be exact."

She rolled her eyes. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Puck's smirk faded and he looked at her sincerely. "You okay?"

"What do you think Puck? Do I _look_ okay?"

Puck shrugged and sat back in his seat. They stayed quiet for a moment. Puck finally spoke again, not looking towards Quinn. "It's not your fault, you know."

She quickly turns her head to him and snaps, "Then whose fault is it?" There's a tone which would usually make people regress from Quinn, but Puck seems unphased, his shoulders just seem to slightly slump.

"I'm the one who went in..."

Quinn shook her head, turning away from him. "You're not the one who scared her off."

Puck's hand went to her shoulder, but Quinn didn't make any indication to show that she noticed or minded. "Listen Quinn, you-"

"You can go now, Blondie."

Lauren was standing in front of them, glaring at their contact, but Puck didn't move his hand from her shoulder.

Quinn looked at Lauren, glaring slightly, then back to Puck, who gave a sympathetic nod as he simultaneously squeezed her shoulder gently and finally let go of her.

She got up slowly from her seat and avoided looking at anyone while she exited, only one person on her mind. But when she was finally out of the waiting room, she let out a breath.

The air was less stuffy and she no longer felt eyes on her, stealing glances or boring into her skull. And the whispers and the crying, and it really all was just getting to be too much.

She slowly trudged over to Rachel's room, pausing as she had her hand on the handle. She took a deep breath and steadied herself. She felt a strange sense of déjà vu and suddenly felt the need to hurl, but didn't let go of the door. She swallowed loudly and rested her head against the door.

"Hello?"

Quinn sighed and turned and turned the handle, stepping into the cold room. "Hey." Quinn shut the door behind her quietly and let her back rest against the frame of it.

"Hi." Rachel was seated upright and gave Quinn an expression that she couldn't read. "You can sit down." Rachel looked over at the chair still beside the bed; it hadn't been moved at all.

Quinn nodded, but didn't budge. She couldn't be near her.

"Quinn, please." Rachel pleaded with her voice and eyes. Rachel would've pulled the girl and made her sit down, if she could. But she needed Quinn near her, her presence made her go through two extremes, calming her and alerting her at the same time, but the feeling that Quinn provoked seemed to spread the her whole body and so far she was the only one who could do that.

It was the most feeling that her body had since she had woken up. When Quinn touched her.

And Rachel needed to get that feeling again, she needed to feel something. Anything.

Quinn slowly dragged herself over to the chair and sat, keeping as much distance from Rachel as possible, but staying seated. "I'm sorry," Quinn said after a few moments of silence.

"You need to stop apologizing."

"I can't."

"It's not going to make anything better." Rachel replied bluntly.

Quinn looked at her for a moment before casting her eyes down to her lap. "But I'm trying. I'm trying to make it better Rachel. And I'm so sorry, and you have to know that. You were my responsibility; the one thing I had to do was make sure that you made it home safe. And I messed up. I just, I need you to know that I'm sorry."

"I know." Rachel said softly, Quinn's head still looking down at her lap, hiding her face.

"No," Quinn spoke softly, but firmly.

"Quinn, I-"

"No, Rachel, stop, you don't know. You have no idea who guilty and horrible I feel, because I did _this_ to you." Quinn moved her hand to hold Rachel's again, Rachel could see she was doing it, but she couldn't feel Quinn's hand over hers. Rachel stayed quiet, not wanting to scream at Quinn or start crying because she couldn't feel it and it was killing her.

Quinn looked into Rachel's eyes, "Let me do something for you Rachel. Anything, Rachel I'll do anything. Please let me do something for you."

Rachel opened her mouth to speak, wanting to tell her to touch her, touch her face where she could feel if she was touching her and actually feel it.

But it was like Quinn already knew, and she slowly removed her hand from Rachel's and slowly let her hand touch her cheek gently, her fingers just slightly grazing. Rachel closed her eyes and just let herself be overwhelmed by the sensation of actually having some sort of physical feeling.

Quinn only delicately hovered her hand over her face. "I'm so sorry Rachel." Rachel felt Quinn's thumb start to wipe at her tears, but she didn't even realize that she had started crying. They stayed like that, Rachel crying and Quinn taking care of her tears, until Rachel began to slowly pass into unconsciousness. Quinn stayed, remaining quiet until just when Rachel was about to doze off.

"I'm promise you I'll get you to forgive me Rachel." Quinn softly whispered. "Whatever it takes, for however long, I will."


End file.
